The holy month of Ramadan is upon us once again, and we have been given the opportunity to start this blessed month once again, energized, inspired, and motivated to make this Ramadan the best one yet. But a few days later, the hunger, and hanger, kicks in and all the little things you said you wouldn’t be bothered by suddenly infuriate you. The house is a mess. Your kids’ toys are scattered everywhere. They’re constantly yelling and fighting. You’re working from home and can’t seem to get any work done. Your wife is tired and stretched thin. And you’re just hungry! Soon it’s time to break your fast, and you feel much calmer again. You apologize to our wife. You kiss your kids and spend some time playing with them. And the cycle continues. How do you break free from this “rinse and repeat” Ramadan and learn better strategies to manage your stress, instead of just tolerating it, escaping it, or worse, ignoring that there is a problem?
Here are some tips that can help you manage stress as a fasting father this Ramadan:
- Schedule your day
There are so many things to get done but the list of demands never seem to end. Stress can catch up to you when you feel like you’re out of control and out of time. So, a good way to counteract this is to get organized and use a calendar or app to schedule your day, week, or even entire month. Allot certain times of the day for work, prayers, naps, errands, exercise, and family time. Respect this schedule and adhere to it as much as possible. You may need to be flexible here and there (and as all parents know, flexibility will take you far in life), but make sure you’re not draining any of those cups, because that is what can throw you off balance.
- Set reminders to do dhikr throughout the day
Anger is a natural emotion. It’s normal for things to bother you at times and occasionally set you off. How you respond, though, is what matters most. When you get into the habit of reciting dhikr, or remembering Allah (SWT), it becomes easier to call upon Him during times of stress, and ground yourself to avoid getting set off and going down a route with your wife, kids,or parents that you may regret at the end of the day. Set a timer to recite some Quran, istighfar or thank Allah (SWT) every so often. It could just be three times a day, aside from the regular prayer times, even while sitting at your computer or when you’re on the road picking up the kids from school or on the way to the mosque. This habit will help you begin to instinctively remember Allah (SWT) when those stressful or frustrating moments peak during the day.
- Communicate
Whether this involves speaking with your boss to let them know the significance of the month and the change of routine that accompanies it, or being more open with your wife and expressing what you need or how you feel about something, honest and respectful communication is always a sure-fire way to resolving the trickiest of issues and settling those often-unnecessary nerves. Dedicate a time of day when neither of you are strained, tired, or emotional. Perhaps it’s after iftaar while you’re relaxed and having a well-deserved cup of chai.
- Empathize with others’
While you’re communicating your needs, be sure to also be aware of others’ needs too. Ramadhan is a month for everyone. That means everyone is fasting, hungry, thirsty, tired, and busy – just like you are. Empathizing with others is not only meant to target those less fortunate, although this month definitely highlights the need for empathy and charity to those in need, too. Empathizing can also mean understanding the struggles of those around you – especially those closest to you – like your aging parents, your overwhelmed wife, or your growing kids.
- Have some play time
This can look like playing some hoops at the park with your kids, joining an evening sport after iftaar with friends, or having a games night with your wife. Whatever you decide, make sure you’re having some fun this Ramadan. Part of the beauty of this month comes from breaking out of our regular, mundane, and stressful routines to realize how much more capacity we have to do more and maximize our days, our prayers, our connection with others, and our connection with Allah (SWT).
Remember: Don’t sweat the little things. Pause through those stressful moments. Think of how elevated you already are to be invited to participate in this holy month. Before you know it, we’ll be celebrating Eid. So, make the most of this month by being prepared and managing those stressful moments more proactively.